it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
