a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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