Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
