he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
