she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize