I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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