I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
