i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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