My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize