I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
