I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
