the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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