Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
