There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
