I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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