Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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