Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
