don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
