The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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