Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
