I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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