Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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