If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
