Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
