the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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