Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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