she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
