They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
