I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
