do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
