Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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