If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
