He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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