I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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