Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
