My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
