and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
