How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
