Sry I called you an 8
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
