Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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