i don't like sucking hair
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
