fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
