i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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