Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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