Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
