He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
