you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
