my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
