So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
