Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
3 2 1 whiskey
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
