I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
