I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
