Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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