I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
