You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
