She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
