his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This house was built for laser tag.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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