Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
