you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
