I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
