I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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