so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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