butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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