I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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