you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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