3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
