A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
